Shock and horror in Whampoa today as news of the local rugby team's loss to a lower-ranked side left fans floored. A 47-19 defeat at the hands of a team from Somerset was highly unexpected as manager Eddie Bono had been talking up his side's chances before the match, claiming that "You could bet the house on a win today."
"I'll tell you what that man can bet on," raged an inebriated local resident, spotted leaving the local bank minutes earlier clutching what looked like foreclosure papers. He proceeded to list many things that Bono would be suited to bet on, the majority of which were unprintable and involved the latter's spouse as well as several farmyard animals. "I was there at Letsby Avenue, and let me tell you, those lads on the other end weren't even ducks!"
"I'll tell you what that man can bet on," raged an inebriated local resident, spotted leaving the local bank minutes earlier clutching what looked like foreclosure papers. He proceeded to list many things that Bono would be suited to bet on, the majority of which were unprintable and involved the latter's spouse as well as several farmyard animals. "I was there at Letsby Avenue, and let me tell you, those lads on the other end weren't even ducks!"
In a roundabout manner, the local drunkard hit the nail on the head; in his press conference after the debacle, Bono admitted that the team failed to live up to its potential due to his poor choice of tactics - namely, in that he had prepared his squad to face a side comprising of actual rubber ducks. "An honest mistake," he claimed later. "Although I've a good mind to complain to the officials about this. Surely teams shouldn't be allowed to use false advertising to dupe their opponents? That's a bit like doping, that is."
Bruised and battered, team captain Takiji Takabe offered his own two cents on the matter. "The gaffer told us to use the physical game to our advantage," the no.8 sniffled, holding his nose in place with one hand while wiping tears away with the other. "He reckoned them ducks couldn't have much of a physical presence on 'em and we could take 'em, easy. Well right now I think the manager knows nowt about rugby and he can take his tactics and shove 'em up his-"
At this point Bono interrupted the interview with a cold pint and a couple of aspirin for Takabe, who departed after a whisper in the ear and a pat on the backside from the manager.
With a match against Bristol Cannibals coming up in the league today, one can only hope that Bono's scouting improves and that he might just take a hint that Cannibals may be a little tougher than RubberDucks.
Bruised and battered, team captain Takiji Takabe offered his own two cents on the matter. "The gaffer told us to use the physical game to our advantage," the no.8 sniffled, holding his nose in place with one hand while wiping tears away with the other. "He reckoned them ducks couldn't have much of a physical presence on 'em and we could take 'em, easy. Well right now I think the manager knows nowt about rugby and he can take his tactics and shove 'em up his-"
At this point Bono interrupted the interview with a cold pint and a couple of aspirin for Takabe, who departed after a whisper in the ear and a pat on the backside from the manager.
With a match against Bristol Cannibals coming up in the league today, one can only hope that Bono's scouting improves and that he might just take a hint that Cannibals may be a little tougher than RubberDucks.